just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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