What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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