Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
