So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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