I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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