I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
