I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
