My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
