tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
