3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
