Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
