I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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