Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
