My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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