I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
