If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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