remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
