We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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