Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
