I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
