i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
