I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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