Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
