just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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