he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
