you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
