Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't notice because vodka
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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