I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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