I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
