My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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