im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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