true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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