i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
