I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
