ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
