im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
