So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
