there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
