remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
