Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize