Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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