He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
