who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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