I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
being pregnant is like rehab
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
