At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
