i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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