this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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