I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
