____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
