Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
are you so shy because you have an std?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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