i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
