you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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