My sheets look like a crime scene.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
