Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
