IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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