The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
