youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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