just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
