I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
