Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
