Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
